Whenever some period of time has passed after a sweat lodge, the memory of the experience fades, and I think back and decide that the next one won’t be so bad, won’t be as intense.

Three days ago we finally initiated our first sweat lodge as a whole group, the first ceremony in this lodge that we spent a few months building. And man, was it intense. At least I didn’t pass out this time, but the ceremony was three hours long, an hour longer than it usually is. We all had some very strong, though quite different, experiences. It helped us to cleanse, helped us to heal, helped break down the ego boundaries that usually keep our perceptions locked into a certain place. I, for one, was glad to have it, and look forward with some anticipation and trepidation for the next one.

I’m in kind of a weird mood. My physical energy is down; I feel like I need to go inward for a little while, process some things. My lucid dreams have been exploding lately. I think I’m ready to start developing that other side of myself, the reflective part of me that has been neglected for some time. I talked with Tamarack about it; he said that it’s an appropriate feeling, with the changing of the seasons. The green season is for growth and building and physical work. The white season is for simplicity, reflection, dreaming, exploring, withdrawing. My body has been making that shift.

Maybe in part because of that, I’ve been increasingly affected by sugar. So yesterday, after I ate some candy and had a bad reaction, I decided to try to quit sugar. Gave away my chocolates and now I’m trying to go for as little refined sugar as possible.

In another month the ground will probably be covered with snow. We’re struggling to finish the earth lodge and to gather more firewood, and I have a hide to finish scraping, tanning and stretching, and another hide that’s half-stretched and just needs to be completed.

The halfway point of the year is just around the corner. It feels like it’s been forever.