I can’t sleep. It’s 2:30 AM and I feel so much pain and anger from the latest miserable fight, with my mother this time. (It seems to alternate from one parent to the other.) She went so far as to accuse me of growing long hair and spending a year in the woods simply in order to spite her, to do the opposite of what she wants. How narcissistic of a view is that? And she accuses me of being selfish. How can I hope to argue with a belief like that?

I found the website for a book titled If You Had Controlling Parents, and it is quite telling, and very validating. For instance:

Ten Signs You May Have Had Controlling Parents

When you were growing up, your parents …

1. Overscrutinized your eating, appearance, hobbies, or social life
2. Pressured you with perfectionistic expectations or unattainable standards
3. Forbade you from questioning or disagreeing with them
4. Discouraged you from expressing anger, fear or sadness around them
5. Violated your privacy
6. Intimidated, manipulated or overpowered you
7. Discouraged your efforts to experiment and think for yourself
8. Gave you no say in household rules and responsibilities
9. Seemed unaware of the pain they caused you or others
10. Seemed unwilling to admit they were wrong

All of these fit my parents. They pick on my hair all the time, I am pressured to meet their expectations of success. If I question their decisions, if I say I’m angry, it only gets thrown back in my face. My privacy is secondary to their desires. I am considered a step lower, definitely not an equal, and treated as such, and following on that is their lack of respect for my efforts to grow as an individual, to pursue self-actualization. Finally, they are unwilling to see and accept that they have caused me pain, and definitely won’t admit their wrong.

So much pain …