In six days I’ll be a married man.

I’ve been with Abigail for almost two and a half years, and engaged for maybe a year and a half or so (we never had a formal engagement date), but it didn’t hit me until last week … We both went on solitary retreats to step back from all of the craziness of wedding planning and experience the meaning of this transition.

My relationship with Abigail is fulfilling, but it certainly isn’t easy some of the time. I just went through a short but intense bout of cold feet that lasted for a couple of days, involving some intensive questioning of my motives and of the wisdom of this decision.

Choosing a partner, it seems to me, is like choosing a spiritual path: You have to choose the right person, but the aim of all relationships is basically the same — to connect to others. But my spiritual exploration has involved a lot of dabbling and meandering. Not so my love life; I’ve had a lot of crushes, and a very brief camp fling in high school, but in my adulthood I have been only with Abigail. But I am by far a better person for it; I’ve grown so much in the past few years, though I had to soothe my own fears a bit and step back from the fray to remind myself of the deep love and growth that marks our life together.

What I have learned in these past few years is that relationship is as much about being with oneself as it is about being with another. That in order to love fully, I have to be willing to experience and accept myself and make myself a better person. Relating to oneself in a loving way is a prerequisite for relating healthfully to a loved one. And that’s a lifetime path.

After the wedding (which is, fittingly enough, on the summer solstice), we’ll spend a mini-honeymoon staying in a nearby hotel and cavorting at a nearby theme park. But a week or so later, we’re going to the not-so-nearby Taiwan for a big wedding banquet and a tour of the island. Finally it’s on to Maui for a week of wedded bliss, and scuba diving.

Onward to a new stage of this life.