Each time I have a new experience that throws me off balance, I learn something more about myself that tells me how to get back in balance. Slowly I begin to develop a sense that there’s something in me that exists separately from the unpredictable circumstances of life. I learn more and more keenly that the true power of being lies in that which exists timelessly, and I really start to distinguish a sense of essential, undefinable “self” above and beyond any of the events of life.
In other words, I’m learning to dance with the hurricane.
This has been one of the more intense weeks in recent memory. It started with a moderately severe headache from a hypoglycemic reaction. Two days later I helped a friend deal with a broken toe, and babysat her kids. I gave my first ever professional presentation. I then fielded a number of new patients and began treating them in clinic; and some of them are extremely complex and are going to stretch my medical abilities to their limit.
I feel satisfied in many ways, but also worn thin, like I’ve given out too much energy. I get a day off tomorrow. I need a more extended break, but instead I have a full day of clinic on Monday, a full week of class, then a one-day workshop on pain management next weekend.
What a ride. I could not have managed this a year ago; I’m astounded by my energy and resilience now. I hope life slows down a little, but I’m pleased with its general trajectory.
But what makes all of this not only possible but meaningful is this self-recognition of ineffable essence, which is all related to spiritual practice and philosophy; and that must never become lost amidst the fast pace of everyday life.
