I’ve been remiss in my blogging, thanks to finals and thanks to some more traveling as Abigail and I try to get a more solid feel for where we want to live after graduation. Nothing solid to report as yet, but we know that we dislike Texas.
I have eight months left before I graduate and enter the wild blue yonder of the world beyond formal schooling. It’s a transition that basically coincides with my 30th birthday, and astrologically fits with the whole concept of the Saturn return.
I’ve been feeling more and more strongly the powerful energy that wants to, and could, be channelled through me, if I were pure enough. Divine energy, for lack of a better term; cosmic energy that flows down from the heavens. I find that it’s stronger if my mind is clearer; it’s stronger if my heart is relaxed and open. It’s stronger if I’m just physically relaxed. Of course all of these are difficult in a stressful, fast-paced life like that of a busy graduate student. I always feel the flows more strongly on breaks.
I also notice that there is a force that opposes this flow of Divine energy or love, and my experience of it is that it is dark, and heavy, and obscure, and emotional; and in many ways it makes a lot of sense why others have labeled it “evil” or “sin,” because that’s exactly the type of energy it feels most resonant with. It growls; it rages; it sits low in the body, condensed, tight, unwilling to balance. In me I feel that it drives everything from violent urges to odd musical preferences. It’s the shadow, that repository of all those things that we consciously believe that we are not — but that remain in us, untransformed and untransmuted, unintegrated. Read the full post
